Welcome to Alex's World

Alex's Journey

Many years ago, I chased my writing dreams at the National Film and Television School. This inspired the development of a collection of zany characters and stories. Ultimately, I followed a fulfilling career and trained as a parent. There was never enough time to complete my characters journeys or my parent training.

My dreams and characters never died though. Their adventures grew across many precious tattered notebooks. They kept me sane as I battled countless impossible and seemingly unsolvable real world challenges.

I was forced to grow up, but my characters never did. In their world, face paints, fire extinguishers, cake, handcuffs and many other everyday objects become weapons of mass humiliation.

My books offer my characters a route into an unsuspecting world and to offer you an escape from the real world if you follow their adventures.

Their adventures will hopefully make you gasp and smile. Unless your head is immersed in a bowl of trifle, or you are tied to a heated bathroom towel rail. Or if you are subjected to one of the many other indignities that regularly befall them.

I also hope that you don't lose your clothes in as many embarrassing places as they do. But if you do, have fun and enjoy the experience.

Some valuable lessons I have learnt in my life which you may find useful:

1.    Do not bother smiling at the camera if your head is inside an orange bucket. We were taking a photograph for an unused book cover. Note: Other colour buckets are available.

2.    If someone asks you what you did today, do not tell them you planned a murder unless they know you are a writer.

3.    If your partner falls into the path of an onrushing (small) wave on a beach, it is best to stage an immediate rescue attempt. Under no circumstances take a photograph. And never ever laugh.

4.   You know you’re happily married when look at a nude picture of Kylie Minogue with a guitar to find the make of guitar!

5.    Never buy a Valentines card with the words ‘Perfect Partner’ - only Aiden Turner scything topless in Poldark is perfect!

6.   If a supermarket checkout assistant asks if you need anything else don’t ask for marriage guidance counselling! It’s not funny!!

7.    Learn to read your partner’s writing so you don’t buy peas instead of pears!

8.   If you are enjoying a romantic outing in a supermarket and asked to get limes, do not return with a plush velvet Star Wars Captain Phasma action figure.

Please buy one or more of my books so I can buy another guitar. I promise I’ll learn to play my guitars properly one day. Unless I write another book. Or life gets in the way.

Alex J Heart

Alex's Life Lessons

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